Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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