And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
well you can't waste a boner
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
