Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
