I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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