You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
