i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
