seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
