You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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