In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
