You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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