On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
