yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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