I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
