you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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