and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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