How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
