thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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