walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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