allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
