can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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