Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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