I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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