I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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