Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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