After last night, I could never be a politician.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
