She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
