The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
