worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
