After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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