I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
