Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
