just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
