Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
