He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
