My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
