I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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