So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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