my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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