Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
