dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you didnt know i had herpes?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
