I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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