Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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