imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
