My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So much rum. So many feels.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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