We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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