Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
