Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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