No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
