Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
