it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
